TaLkaTivE bUnNY

Weeks of disconnection, finally I’m back. Just received my laptop last Friday but unfortunately my bro had cut the internet connection, good thing I got wired up last night.

At last, a break from school, time to relax, time to play with my nephews, time to have fun with friends, time to have unlimited time of surfing and of course, SLEEPING… no pressure, no stress, no hassle, NO ALLOWANCE. This is sembreak!

I don’t know when I started to be a homebody, but ever since I arrived here, I’ve only been out thrice, and not without purpose. Last Wednesday afternoon, I was supposed to go to the hospital, but it rained hard just as I was outside Panen’s house to fetch her. So I ended up a little soaked and had to wait at her place for the rain to die down. Since I promised her a treat in exchange for her to accompany me to the hospital, which was postponed to the next day, we went out around 6 pm with a couple of friends, one of whom is my best friend, Coy (and whom I had a petty fight with that night). I paid for the dinner of five people (but it wasn’t that expensive so it’s ok, and besides, my dad gave me extra money that day) and then went around the town a little.

The next morning, we went to the hospital and had my hands cauterized. Four of my ten fingers were injected with anesthesia (which really really hurt). After that I felt a little woozy and pale, maybe because I saw blood (one of the things I’m scared of seeing) or maybe because I’ve not eaten much during breakfast. The doctor said it may be due to fear or shock, but nevertheless I got over it after lying down for ten minutes. Afterward, we ate out and then went home.

Given that a few of my fingers were seared, I’m having a hard time holding on to things. So when I went out for the third time last Sunday, to the market with my bro, he had to single-handedly carry all the weighty stuffs (food) we bought (haha!). (Coy invited me out late that afternoon but I was asleep and it was raining, duh? What was he thinking, with my current status and with the weather, it’d be hard for me to go out. Peace out Baboy!)

Up until now my wounds have not yet healed thoroughly so going out often wouldn’t be that good of an option for me (afraid they might get infected). But today I’m planning to go out, visit some friends, as I am already leaving home tomorrow or the day after that to enroll myself at school (I wonder if there’d be good people present there to help me with writing, for I am at this time slightly disabled). I could be gone for a few days so I might as well make use of today to meet old friends and have fun, right?

So till here, gottago!!! ;p

Endless times I stayed up
All night, waiting for you to call
Lying to myself
‘Cause, you aren’t thinking ’bout me at all
My eyes are holding back the tears
My pride won’t let you see me act a fool
Cuz I’ll be damned if I let you know
That I still feel something for you…
(from Brian Mcknight’s Till I Get Over You)

meju wise din ang addu noh? sinabay ang university fiesta sa kadayawan festival… hehe… pero baka di naman tlga toh sinadya, ewan ko… hehe… ang totoo, di ko maxadu nafeel ang kadayawan spirit this year… mas nafeel ko pa ang sa fiesta… cguro kasi parati kaming nasa skul kaya meju ignorante kami sa mga nangyayari sa labas… gosh, ni hindi ko nga alam na nagparade pala and all? haha… di na rin kasi ako nanonood ng tv… pero isa lang ang patunay ng kadayawan, maraming tao… at xempre… maraming sale!!! un nga lang, hindi marami ang pera… hehe…

sa skul, xmpre super hyped ang mga studes… labanan ng mga divisions… grabe ang pressure sa vocal chords, 10% kasi audience impact eh, at xempre, para naman mafeel ng mga participants ang support ng ka-peeps sa EA… hehe… buti nga di pa ko napaos… okei lang… kaya pa!!! wooooohhh!!! naalala ko tuloi yung text nung isang game ng EA… para sa coach ng EA, kahit ako na magbayad ng tuition mo, basta’t ang pag-aralan mo lang ay ang mahalin ako!!! haha korni, pero ibang level!!! hahaha… sabagay, ang kyut nga naman tlga ng coach… asa ka? engineering stude, basketball varsity, at ibang level pagpawisan… as if naglalaro xa pero indi naman… pressured cguro… pero talo pa rin!!! haha…

ang mga gabi sa ateneo ay sadyang wet… hehe… umuulan eh… malas ng mga natuluan sa covered court… pero okei lang, tiis pa rin kahit may shower… go go EA!!! hehe… kawawa nga lang yung mga walang ticket… walang silong sa may screen sa labas… haha… pero at least fresh air sa kanila, sa amin, panis na na carbon dioxide na papalit-palit nlng ng hinga at buga ng mga estudyante… pero okei lang, masaya naman!!! minsan lang maiirita ka sa mga security force na astang siga at super hot!!! okei i get it, you guys help out sa kaayusan ng mga peeps sa covered court, pero duh? konting respeto naman, hindi nyo kami slaves… fyi, nagbayad po kmi ng 20 pesos para makanood, the least you could do is show us some respect and PATIENCE!!! gosh…

for the past how many days (di na ako marunong magbilang… haha)… hinahabol ko ang tulog ko… pagod kasi everyday… lakad ng lakad, tayo, upo ng matagal (eh hindi naman kutson), at mag-astang white lady sa horror house… hehe… kahit mahirap tanggalin ang lipstick sa mukha namin, okei lang… sulit ang effort… although i have to admit, kulang yung tulong namin, may mga times kasi na indi kami nakasipot… pasenxa po sa fellow logis!!! peace!!! bawi next time pwamis… late kasi ako nakakarating sa skul dahil, like i said, hinahabol ko ang tulog ko!!! hehe…

buti na lang walang pasok mamaya… masaya toh… haba ng bakasyon, pero di naman tlga xa bakasyon… pero parang ganun na rin!!! hay saya… kapagod pero lingaw… hehehe… till next year!!! go EA!!!

after how many weeks of stressing myself of depression (hehe)… here i am, almost back to normal…

i’ve just finished watching the series SILENCE and have come to realize that the depression i’ve been through lately is nothing compared to the pain experienced by those who are nearly leaving this world… my problem is not the worst (definitely not), but why have i let myself drown into a pool of self-inflicted pain? maybe, i just needed attention, or just plain selfish that i didn’t want to face my own worries by myself and wanted others to be affected, wanted them to feel what i felt… really selfish huh? or maybe not… maybe i just needed support, needed a hand to guide me back to the right path…

thanks to the martians… i’ve come to understand the reason behind my (recent) ‘misfortunes’… though fate may be against me today, all these [problems] would eventually come to an end… as of now, i’m coping… and pretty soon, i’ll finally be able to overcome them…

i don’t know why i ‘m feeling this way… why everytime i see your face, i tend to cry… and suffer… seeing you breaks my heart into pieces…  but i also can’t stand not seeing you because it hurts more…

you’ve managed to ignore me for months now… and it pains me to think that what i’m feeling right now doesn’t even cross your mind, or if it does, i know you wouldn’t really care… because i’m of no importance to you… i’m just one of those people whom you’re acquainted with, one of those whom you’d greet "hi" or "hello" then "goodbye" when bumped into the street… but truth is, you don’t really notice me…

i hated myself for having to fall for you… when you never really intended to catch me… and now i’m hating you for hurting me and making me cry… without your knowledge of it…

okay fine, i have to admit that i’m pikon… and so what? grrr… what’s the sense of having the YMIR34 PIKON AKO award if i’m not gonna live up to it ‘di ba?

haaayyy… unfortunately, this award-winning attitude of mine always gets me into trouble… yesterday, i easily got pissed with my bestfriend dahil sa pang-aasar niya… it’s not unusual na naman na inaasar nya ako, but i don’t know why i reacted that way kahapon, siguro kasi ang tagal naming di nagkita and the first thing he does nung magkita na kami ay ang asarin ako… kainis ‘di ba? o nakakainis nga ba talaga? or i’m just plain pikon?

then…  a while ago, may inaway nanaman ako… not that i got pikon… i guess i just overreacted with the things that person was saying, motivated by the fact that i feel ********* for that person… haaayyy… i shouldn’t have allowed my emotions to get involved… so there, i did something that i know i’d regret… or should i say already regretting now… gosh… how lame!!!

stupid me… maybe i should try to be more patient from now on… that by the end of the year, iba nanaman ang magiging awardee ng YMIR34 PIKON AKO award… i don’t wanna be a grand slam winner for that award, it’s more insulting than gratifying!!!

so that’s it, i just have to try to be less pikon and be more temperate… less tetchy, more acquiescent… bow!!!

bakasyon ko? okei… super saya… di gaya ng title ng blog kong ito… pero bakit yan ang title? parang sad movie nga… sa simula, masaya ang lahat… as in walang dull moment… everyday may special moments… pero gaya nga ng sad movies, ang ending ay sad… hindi sa hindi ako nag-enjoi sa bakasyon ko… xempre nga, masaya… I got to meet my old friends in UP… and bond with some of them… especially Bianca… dati, nung nasa kalai pa, di kami close, ngaung summer lang talaga… pero super thankful ako sa kanya dahil xa ang aking buddy sa paggala… thanks talaga sa kanya, sa pagsasama niya, sa pakikinig niya, and most of all, sa pag-eencourage nya sa akin kahit super hopeless na ako kaya on the last minute eh sa wakas nakamit ko na rin yung goal ko… dahil sa kanya, di naging boring ang bakasyon ko sa UP… although hindi lahat ng friends ko eh nakabond ko… okei lang… it’s already enough for me na makita clang okei… pero I have to admit, nagtampo ako sa ilan sa kanila… tama nga si bianx, friendship will either deepen or lose its strength… kaya ung iba, kahit di ko close dati, naging close ko… at ung dating mga close ko, eh meju di ko na gaanung close ngaun… I know they’re busy and all that, ayaw ko naming magpa-importante… pero knowing the fact na minsan lang ako makadalaw sa kanila at matagal na kaming di nagkita… sna man lang, kahit konting sandali eh nabigyan ila ako ng time… haaayyy… ohhh well… tama na ang tampupot part… bstah in general, nag-enjoi ako sa bakasyon ko… salamat sa mga kaibigan ko… naging sulit naman ang mga gastos ko… ang pamasahe, pagkain, etc… naging sulit din ang 26 days ko dun… ang pagpunta sa PBB haus, ang pagmomovie marathon, ang sleep over, ang pagmamalling, ang pagkain… countless activities!!! Wala na akong maihihiling pa… or cguro meron pa, more time to spend with them… un un!!! Uhmmm… moments with ate dada… grabeh… super saya… lalo na yung mga kwentuhan and of course, ang pinakamemorable na comedy bar… nahiya na nga ako kasi wala akong nagastos dun, treat nya lahat… super nakakatawa tlga ung experience na yun… Haaayy ang dami kong gusto sabihin… of how happy I am… salamat sa tatay ko at nakabakasyon ako, kahit na alam kong labag sa loob nya… ehehe… Okei… the sad part… super dami kong memories ngaung bakasyon na alam ko di ko talaga malilimutan, and ichecherish ko lahat ng yun… un nga lang, ang hardest part was to say goodbye to all my friends na once again eh iiwan ko… ang hirap super… di ko napigilan na maiyak every now and then nung last day ko, and even nung nakarating na ko dito sa cebu… hindi ko alam kung makikita ko pa cla ulit, or if makikita ko cla, baka matagalan pa… kapag engr na ko, kapag engr na kami… 2 yrs? 3 yrs? 4 yrs? Ewan ko… bastah malungkot… masayang malungkot… kaya nakakaiyak… Ngaun andito na ko sa cebu… patuloi pa rin ang bakasyon… patuloi ang gastos… patuloi din ang saya… pero ang summer vacation na ‘to ay isa sa mga panahon na super memorable for me… masayang malungkot… yun na… THE END

para sa’yo:

insensitivity happens by choice, not by nature because human beings all have feelings…

it’s just that there are some who pretend not to feel and some who act so blind not to see…

being friends with someone you’d rather be in love with is like being invited on the rooftop to look at the stars…

and only to look at the stars…

the saddest thing that can happen is when one falls in love while the other wants nothing more than friendship…

love can sometimes be magic, but magic can sometimes be an illusion…

sometimes, you have to try not to care no matter how much you do…

because sometimes, you can mean nothing to someone who means everything to you…

… paalam na!!! i’m moving on!!!

exam week na… iniisip ko pa lang napapagod na ako… di pa nga ako nakakapagsimulang mag-aral pero tinatamad na ako… kapag may gana naman akong mag-aral pero napatingin sa kama sa kwarto ko, naiisip ko na lang mahiga o matulog… eto talaga ang tinatawag na katamaran… and as usual, dating gawi nanaman ako for sure - cramming… good luck na lang dbah? mas effective daw mag-aral kapag pressured ka… at eto napepressure na nga ako eh…

oooopppsss… cge na nga mag-aaral na ako…

hmmm… wala lang… kanina finally nakita ko na grade ko sa mechanics… ang subject na super kinakabahan me kasi nga ang baba ng quizzes ko… tapos 5 units pa un… biradong birado and WPA ko…

at grabe nashock ako sa grade ko kasi di yun ang ineexpect kong grade… i mean, mas mataas xa kesa sa ineexpect ko!!! oh dbah??? ang saya… sobrang thankful ako kay God dahil di ako bumagsak… totoo nga ang saying: "GOD HELPS THOSE WHO HELP THEMSELVES"… not that didn’t believe that before, pero i felt na i didn’t put much effort into my studies lately kaya sa simula ng midterms eh not-so-good ang mga scores ko… and siduro nga nakita ni God na nagstrive ako (nung exams) kaya ayun!!! as in super thankful po ako!!!

un lang naman talaga… masaya lang ako… kasi i really didn’t expect that i would get a grade even higher than what i was aiming for… another thought-to-be depressing day turned into a happy one… hehe…